In 2006 Hans King said I would write a book, several in fact, and that they would be successful.  This was not surprising, as I had already started taking notes and forming what seemed like a good outline, but it was certainly reassuring.  Then, last year a Mayan Shaman in Guatemala said the same thing, reinforcing what Hans said. And now, a year later, I am still working towards that goal, but the original focus has shifted, and I have been feeling a little stuck here lately.  After watching Hereafter last night, I now know the reason why...

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The original idea for the book was to put on paper some of the insights and understandings that I have come to after nearly 25 years of studying various spiritual and metaphysical subjects.  I don't talk about it much, mainly because many people aren't ready, willing or able to hear some of these things, but I have found that to properly convey some concepts a lengthy background discussion is often required.  What I hoped to accomplish with the book was to provide a synopsis of some of the basic concepts, along with plenty of references to point people in the right direction, to avoid lengthy conversations just to provide the context within which some basic spiritual or metaphysical ideas would make sense to everyday people.

In 2008 a few syncronicities stirred some memories of a past life experience, at which point I decided that it was time to practice what I knew and jump into the book writing process with both feet, trusting that it would all work out.  By July of 2009 I was a few weeks from moving to a cabin in the mountains to start writing, when everything changed.  While attending a workshop in Albuquerque, I met Sara, and shortly afterward discovered we have known each other in several previous lifetimes.  Needless to say, the book writing journey had started off by immediately heading in a completely different direction than could have been anticipated.

It's one thing to believe in reincarnation theoretically, but it's another thing entirely when it's made real and tangible with photos and historical accounts of similar personality traits. There are people who are aware of their previous incarnations, whether due to their own spiritual search or as a result of someone telling them about it, but I can say from my experience that it's not necessarily an easy thing to understand and integrate, no matter how "spiritually aware" one may consider themselves to be.  However, seeing repeating patterns of behavior, and the underlying causes of why we feel the way we do about certain things, does help to make sense of the grand drama that we are all participating in.

Last night while watching Hereafter something became very clear; fear has been hindering forward momentum.  Like the character in the movie, I understand that it's hard to have a "normal" life when involved and associated with things that people don't understand, and are therefore afraid of. It has been nice pretending to be "normal" while keeping my metaphysical interests to myself, and once the book is finished, so is the "I'm just a geek" charade.  I can no longer be nobody, free to be the quiet anonymous guy in the corner that people don't notice or bother.  That is the main fear that have hindered my progress for some time.

I recently heard someone say "fear and doubt are the devil's greatest tools".  Personally, the Kabbalistic concept of "the opponent", or our own negative internal dialog, is more along the lines of the way I see it...  

It seems that no matter how much we learn, there is always more.  And even once we know something, it is possible to forget now and then.  Writing this is not only a good exercise, it's also a good reminder.  I guess it's time to give up the geek charade and be who I really am.  Now all I have to do is figure out exactly what that is...